Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
