if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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