She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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