I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
