When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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