you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
operation have a gay friend backfired
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
