let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
