using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
