Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
