I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
