i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
