why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
