How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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