i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Text me some of your sweat
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
