No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
