at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
