i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
