I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
