Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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