The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
