Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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