you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
