u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Randomize
