I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
