My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
