Banned from zoo.
Again?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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