I look better un-naked...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
