Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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