Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
