After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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