you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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