is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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