sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
