we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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