I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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