She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
