my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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