I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
