I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
