I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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