Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
handjob tips. give me some.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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