I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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