Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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