i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
