i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
