Just fell off a train. Bad.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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