Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
