Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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