Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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