His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
