I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
