I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If I die, sorry about rent.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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