Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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